Kyara Dzenis

Kyara Dzenis

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Open House Tonight

Willis Road is having their Open House tonight, so I will be going back to elementary school with Skylar.  I can't say I am looking forward to this.  Everytime I go in the school, my stomach knots up.

Here are some recent pictures...

Kassey and Zoe (her cousin) at my Nannie's house before Papa's Hall of Fame Induction



Zoe, Ansley, Kassey, Curtis, Preston, and Skylar at Papa's school - Jordan High School.  We took a tour around the high school.  Papa's picture is directly above the kiddos!


Kassey and Skylar before Skylar's first day of school.


Skylar's first day of school.  I messed up the date, it should have been August 9, 2010.



Kassey's first day of school!  She was SO excited!



Kassey caught this catfish at Nannie and Papa's river.  She was sticking her tongue out at it.  Not sure if she liked the fish or not, but she wouldn't touch it!


Poor Skylar didn't have as much luck as Kassey.  I think it is because she didn't use the "barbie" fishing pole! :)



Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Back to School

I know I wrote in my last post that I would write again in just a few days, and then the days became weeks, but we have been CRAZY!  Or, maybe I have been crazy.  I guess it is not fair to assume everyone else in my family feels as out of control as I do.  What could make me so busy? Well, lets step back a bit in time and find out what the Dzenis clan has been doing.

As my  last post said, we made dinner for the families and staff members at Hospice Atlanta on Friday, August 6th (Kyara's earthly birthday).  I didn't know how I would feel going back into the same center where Kyara spent her last days.  Looking around, going to the playroom, and seeing some of the nurses who cared for her was a little difficult, but not as bad as I thought it would be.  I actually kinda enjoyed being there.  God was lifting me up that night, because instead of sadness of what we have lost overwhelming me, I was happy to be there serving others.  Providing good, warm, homecooked comfort and love. 

We served the dinner/buffet in the library and in the back there are windows and a door that opens up to a courtyard.  While we were sitting around talking, it began to snow the biggest snowflakes I have seen.  They were as big or bigger than the ones in Michigan (which I thought were the size of a small car!).  Imagine, SNOWING in August... in Georgia (it was close to 100 degrees outside).  Skylar and I walked over to the window, amazed by what we were seeing and realized it was a white crepe myrtle dropping flowers that was creating the "snow".  The crepe myrtles were so tall (above the roofline) that we did not notice them at first.  Haha!  As a mother of an angel, I find myself looking for signs that Kyara is trying to reach out to me all the time.  Was this a sign, was she saying "I'm here, too?"  Or, was this just flowers falling from the trees?  My yard sign swinging in the breeze, except there is no breeze... is that you, Kyara?  The rainbows?  The chill bumps I get at strange times?  The birds that come to our breakfast room window when we are eating?  Even Skylar mentioned that she sees a yellow butterfly everyday and "is it following me?  It is Kyara."

The next day, Saturday, August 7, my late grandfather was inducted into Jordan High School Hall of Fame.  He was a vice principal and principal at the school for about 30 years.  It was an amazing honor to able to attend his induction with my family.  Papa was an extraordinary man and made a positive impact on so many lives at Jordan High School.  After Kyara's death, I actually had some of his old students write me letters to let me know how much they respected my grandfather and were sure he was already in heaven to help welcome Kyara.

We are also spending time in north Atlanta at Gunars' brother's (Zigurds) house.  What do you get when you put 2 civil engineers and 1 chemical engineer together?  A huge, beautiful deck that will hopefully be done soon!  Gunars, Zigurds, and their dad (Eriks) have been working on this deck all summer.  Once it is completed it will be amazing!

Skylar started school on Monday, August 9th.  I can't believe she is in third grade.  We had meet the teacher on Friday before school started, and that was hard for me.  I am not sure what it is about the elementary school that gets me everytime I go, but it makes me sad.  I think it has to do with the fact that Kyara should be in first grade there, and she's not.  I walk down the hallways and it reminds me of taking her to school.  OUCH! After meeting Skylar's teachers, we went back to Kyara's Pre-K teacher's class.  Mrs. Carlisle and Ms. Laurie have been so great to us, and we wanted to say hello.  Well, I can truthfully say, I hope I never go in her classroom again.  That was more powerful and painful than I can explain.  I saw her cubby where she put her backpack.  The table she sat at on the first day of school when we came to celebrate her 4th birthday with icecream.  And, to top it off, there is a little boy in the class with some disabilities due to cardiac arrests he had as an infant.  While we were there, the mother and son came in.  She was so excited that her son was able to go to school.   He has overcome and continues to overcome so many obstacles.  While I am thrilled for them, my heart breaks!  I am jealous that Kyara wasn't able to recover like that, too.  They were so excited and I felt like punching a wall.  I said congratulations to them and got out as quick as I could before I burst into tears.  And so it goes....

Skylar has also started soccer again.  She is playing on a travelling team and it is much more serious than the recreation team she played for last year.  The first week of school, she had practice from Monday-Thursday.  This past weekend, Skylar had her first tournament!  4 soccer games in 2 days.  She was exhausted.  I LOVED IT!  It brought me back to my years of playing.  I had forgotten how much I love to be at the soccer field!

Kassey also started school last week.  She is going 2 days a week from 9-12.  She is going to the same pre-school/church that Skylar and Kyara went to.  Again, it was a little difficult to go into the school and see the same faces, the same rooms, the same hallways that Kyara ran down.  But, not as difficult as Willis Road was.  I think it is because Kyara completed her time at Cornerstone Kids, and she should be at Willis Road now.

During the time Kassey is at school, you would think I'd have plenty of time to write a post, right?  But, I am going to school now again, too!  I am finishing my teaching certification and I use the time Kassey is at school to study CHEMISTRY!  YIKES!  And now so much of the classes are online, I am having a hard time keeeping up with them.  Technology is kicking my rear! I am having a hard time FINDING my assignments, let alone understand the material.  I guess I will figure it out, but for now, I am drowning in this stuff!

Gunars is doing well.  He has been playing soccer and basketball during the week at night and enjoying a little family time on the weekends.  In his last soccer game, he pulled a hamstring.  He said he was trying to rip a hole in the back of the net, but instead he hurt himself.  :)  I know he enjoys playing and it helps relieve stress so I hope he will be feeling better soon!

Friday, August 6, 2010

Kyara's 6th Earthly Birthday

Whew! I am exhausted! Today has been emotionally and physically difficult. I think more emotional than physical, we were just crazy busy! Between getting food together for Hospice Atlanta, making T-shirts for us to wear, and Skylar's "meet the teacher," we have been running since 8:00 this morning! So, I am going to let the pictures do the talking and I will write again in the next day or so. The first two are of Kassey and Skylar helping me make meatloaf. Doesn't it look like fun??
We had a nice time serving the staff and families at Hospice Atlanta.
This is the front of our t-shirts. Kyara used to talk to me about the rainbows she would see when she would be put to sleep for procedures.


Skylar picked out this saying and I liked it. Even during the "bad times" we need to keep our chin up and look for the good.











Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Ronald McDonald House Dinner

Tonight we made dinner for the Ronald McDonald House. Once we were there, things went smoothly. Thank you to those who have given me recipes to use. You didn't know it, but I used them tonight. We served - Mimi's Meatloaf, Amy Dixon's green beans bundles, mashed potato casserole, and gooey butter cake, with bread, salad, and watermelon. Nothing like homecooked comfort food to fill some tummies!

Because there was limited ovens at the House, I decided to cook all the meatloaf before we went. I didn't want to spend the day cooking when Icould be playing with the girls, so I waited until they were in bed last night before starting the first round of meatloaf (I needed to make 3 "loaves". So after mixing all the ingredients (which includes most everything in your cupboard) and shaping the loaf. I stuck it in the oven and set the timer for 2 hours. After about 10 minutes, I realized I had forgotten a key ingredient. So I grabbed the meatloaf out of the oven and remixed it with the special ingredient. I stuck it back in the oven and reset the timer. Then I laughed about how I almost ruin the meatloaf and thank goodness it wasn't hot yet... I worked on the computer until the buzzer rang. I jumped up to check on my masterpiece and noticed I didn't smell the normal yummy smell of meatloaf. I got over to the oven and it wasn't radiating heat like it normally does. I opened the door... and you guessed it.... I had forgotten to turn on the oven. BOOOO! So at 11:30 last night, I turned on the oven and went back to work on the computer for another 2 hours of cooking.

This morning Skylar and Kassey helped me with the meatloaf. I love this recipe because you get your hands in there and really have a good time making it. The girls love to help. Kassey can help with pour in the ingredients and crunching the saltine crackers, Skylar helps chop the onions and measure the ingredients. Then when it is mixing time, we roll up our sleeves and dive in! The feel of squishing meat between your fingers is... unforgettable. I love it! It reminds me of childhood. Not sure what part exactly, but childhood in general. So the question remains... Did Genie remember to turn on the oven this time??? YES! I DID!

Luz Estela and Jeni (my sister-in-law) met Gunars, Skylar, and me at the Ronald McDonald House to prepare the rest of the food. It was fun, and I think we all had a good time. This House was different from the one we stayed in while in Michigan. Most of the families were NICU parents, or Rehab families. There were patients who were doing outpatient rehab that were staying at the house. In Michigan, we didn't see many patients. Maybe for one night if they had been discharged late in the day. Today is was interesting to see how few people actually made it to dinner. We were assured that the food would be eaten during the night and for lunch tomorrow, and I don't doubt it! In Michigan, my mom would be at the table by 5:45 in order for us to be able to sit together. People would sit and wait to be sure to get a seat! But, in both places, I know the people appreciate the food and it WILL be eaten!

I eluded to working on the computer earlier and I am sure you are wondering what I am working on. Well, I don't want to keep you in suspense any longer. I have a couple of projects. I am making t-shirts for us to wear when we serve others. I wanted it to have an inspirational saying with "rainbows" as a keyword. Kyara loved rainbows. We would talk about the things she would dream about before each procedure. Rainbows was ALWAYS something she listed. And Rainbows are God's promise to us. So I think it is fitting. Well, while I was researching the quotes, I ran across one that has really hit me. Not one to put on the t-shirt, but one that has grabbed me by the shoulders and shaken me. It said, "If you don't pray to God when times are good, don't pray when times are bad." Hmmm. There are many ways one could look at this. But here is what has grabbed me... How faithful am I? When Kyara was sick the hospital and home and I wanted her to get better I was praying like a crazy woman. After Kyara passed away, I prayed tons. But I look back to before Kyara's surgery and I see someone who almost never prayed. I think about the past week and realize, I have not done my bible study. I have not spent that time with my God. And when I pray, I realize I talk to God, but also to Kyara. When I think about heaven, I can't wait to see Kyara; God is in second place. I wonder if I believe in God, so that I can see her again. And I know this is not how I should be thinking. I should not love anything more than GOD! And yet, Kyara is the one I want to see first. Lord, forgive me! I have read comments about my faith, but the truth is, I am a work in progress. My Lord knows I am not perfect. Yet He loves me anyway.

Friday is Kyara's earth Birthday. We are going to prepare a meal for Hospice Atlanta. I am nervous and scared to go back to the center where Kyara took her last breath, but I look forward to serving other families and bringing some comfort (food) to them.